My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
