I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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