i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
