I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
PANTIES FOUND
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