It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
