My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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