So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
