The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
