I never want to see another naked old woman again.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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