its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
