He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
