i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
