So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize