u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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