barbara walters just said penis...
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
