i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
