so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
