Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
