The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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