you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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