I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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