i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
