he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
