you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
