think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
