just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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