Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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