I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
