Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
