Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
