By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
