it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
