Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It's blow job season.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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