YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
