Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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