I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
