Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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