It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize