I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
