he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It's shark week go big or go home
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
