If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm experimenting with sincerity
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
