So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
