I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
