Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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