I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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