I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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