is your mom at the bar?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
