i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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