Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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