I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
