i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
