I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
