can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
