Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
