I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
These tits shall not be calmed
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
