Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
My orgasm happened in two different decades
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
