Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Randomize
