I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
