my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
