Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Michael Bay diarrhea
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
