the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
i've created a new STD.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
