As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
