Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
