so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
