How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
